Ed’s Story: Why Open Conversations About Funeral Wishes Matter
When someone chooses a funeral option with the best of intentions, they often do so to protect the people they love. They may want to reduce cost, avoid stress or make arrangements feel simpler for their family. But, as Ed Cullen’s story shows, decisions made before death can have a lasting emotional impact on those left behind.
Ed Cullen, aged 63, lives in Taunton, where he runs a golf club and catering business. Born in Ireland, Ed had a close and deeply personal relationship with his mother, Rose Neary, who died in Llandudno, North Wales, on 27/12/2024 at the age of 79.
Rose was a mother of five and had been living with terminal cancer. Wanting to spare her children worry and expense, she had arranged an unattended direct cremation through an online provider. At the time, the decision may have felt practical and considerate. However, it was not fully discussed with all of her children, and those who were aware of it did not fully understand what it would mean in reality.
A final goodbye that never happened
Ed visited his mother on 22/12/2024. Although Rose was unwell, she was in good spirits, and Ed did not believe it would be the last time he would see her. He drove home to Taunton that day, expecting there would be more time.
Five days later, Rose died.
Ed was unable to return immediately to Llandudno. As the family began to understand what had been arranged, it became clear there would be no funeral service, no opportunity to gather together, and no chance to see Rose before the cremation.
“She was whisked away and that was it. We didn’t know where the body had gone,” Ed said.
For Ed and his siblings, the experience created confusion, tension and sadness at a time when they were already grieving. Several weeks later, Rose’s ashes were returned to one of Ed’s half-sisters. The siblings then struggled to find a date when they could all be together to scatter them. In the end, this went ahead without Ed.
The emotional impact of direct cremation
For Ed, the lack of a proper goodbye has stayed with him. He still feels upset that he did not have the chance to say farewell to his mother in a meaningful way.
His feelings are shaped by a lifetime of experience with grief. Ed served in the British Army for 31 years, including two and a half years as a Casualty Notification Officer, where he had to inform families that a loved one had been killed in Afghanistan or Sierra Leone. Today, the golf club he runs regularly hosts wakes, often around two each week.
Through these experiences, Ed has seen how important funerals can be. They give people a moment to come together, share memories, support one another and begin to process what has happened.
He compares his mother’s unattended cremation with other losses in his life, where attending funerals and celebrating the person who had died helped him grieve. Now, when he hears music his mother loved, he becomes tearful.
Why conversations about funeral wishes matter
Ed believes that unattended direct cremation can sometimes lead people to think they are easing the burden on their family, without fully considering the emotional needs of those left behind.
“They sell a promise to people, playing on people’s emotions,” he says.
His story is a reminder that funeral wishes should not only be about cost or convenience. They should also consider what family and friends may need emotionally after a death.
Talking openly about funeral wishes can feel difficult, but it can make a significant difference. It gives families the chance to understand what is being chosen, ask questions and consider the practical and emotional impact of each option.
How AB Walker can help
At AB Walker, we believe every family deserves clear, compassionate guidance when planning a funeral. Whether someone is considering a traditional funeral, direct cremation or something more personal, speaking to an experienced local funeral director can help ensure everyone understands the choices available.
A funeral is not only about what happens after someone dies. It can also be an important moment of connection, remembrance and support for those who are grieving.
Ed’s experience shows why these conversations matter. A simple discussion today could help prevent uncertainty, regret and unresolved grief in the future.
